The Secretary-General Song

(apologies to G&S!)

I am the very model of a secretary-general
I’ve information vegetable animal and mineral
I know my UN politics and all its points theoretical
And I can list the member states in order alphabetical
My thorough grasp of physics all your doubts will soon be banishing
I blame electromagnetism when everyone starts vanishing
And though some disagree and say that Jesus came to capture us
I vig’rously deny that this event was something Rapturous

[chorus] He vig’rously denies that this event was something Rapturous
He vig’rously denies that this event was something Rapturous
He vig’rously denies that this event was something Rapture-rapturous

I look like Robert Redford but in fact I am much brainier
And cannot be content to rule backwaters like Romania
In short in matters vegetable animal and mineral
I am the very model of a secretary-general

[chorus] In short in matters vegetable animal and mineral
He is the very model of a secretary-general

I’ve legions of supporters who I influence hypnotically
As subjects to my mind-control they follow me robotically
I practise demagoguery and ways to urge the rabble on
While building my headquarters that I like to call New Babylon
For I am bent on power and my plans are the infernalest
And never can be stopped by some inconsequential journalist
For he’s a bungling hack who never knew what “under cover” meant
While I will rise unstoppably to head the One World Government

[chorus] While he will rise unstoppably…

Yes I will conquer all the world from Timbuktu to Donegal
Assisted by conspiracies with Todd Cothran and Stonagal
In short in matters vegetable animal and mineral
I am the very model of a secretary-general

[chorus] In short in matters…

It seems my predecessor is convinced of my ability
To change the Kalahari to a land of great fertility
And next the world’s religions will dissolve themselves quite prettily
And merge into a cult that has a central church in Italy
Then I will show my critics (who will say this is a farce an’ all)
That I’ve persuaded every land to give up all its arsenal
So never will a single shot be fired in my utopia
Not even by the Russians or aggressive Ethiopia

[chorus] Not even by the Russians…

When all this is accomplished and the mood is celebratory
You’ll know St. John was right in all his writings Revelatory
But still, in matters vegetable animal and mineral
I am the very model of a secretary-general

[chorus] But still, in matters…

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-APOLOGIES if this is a violation of Wiki-etiquette, but I'm editing this page just to express my appreciation for its complete brilliance, and my wish that the genius who penned this would take credit for it so I could shower him/her with embarrassing praise. This is MADE OF WIN, as the kids say.

***

ok, I am suitably embarrassed, it was me

The idea behind this was, I am a bit of a G&Ser and when I heard about "LB the musical" I got the idea for "LB the operetta" & started writing the libretto for it. (So in other words there is more where that came from, though I admit that's the best bit…)

Really, I was inspired by one of Fred's posts, near the end of the 1st LB book, if I remember rightly, that referred to the "Pirate King" and that planted in my head the idea of Carpathia singing:
For…I am the Antichrist
[Chorus] He is! Hurrah for the Antichrist
..and I suppose one thing leat to another.

but I am still working on it…but will need a LOT more work before any of it get stuck online. I don't know what possessed me to post the Secretary-General song…I was probably drunk…

but thanks for complimenting it!

Dan

  • * *

Hi Dan, I just saw that you had responded. Congratulations once again! SO very well done! I look forward to seeing more if you ever post it.

Ben P.
San Francisco

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